Thursday, June 19, 2008

Wrote this on Monday, but posting it now...

Gosh, i'm on my way to school now and this is going to be my first day of school in almost an entire year. Ok so i've been back to school on and off doing BE stuff, but i'm actually going back right now to STUDY. I feel like I haven't studied in a looong time. Ever since the china internship then gg to japan (where I barely did any studying really) then going to credit suisse, i've come full circle and i'm gg back to sit in an SR, work with project mates and participate in class. Not too long ago I was actually looking forward to it, to finally actually enjoy studying because i'll be studying what I like rather than for the grades. But as i'm sitting on this train on the way to school, a sense of apprehension engulfs me. Will I have to listen to ppl talk rubbish in class and ask rubbish questions? Will I get a shitty prof that can't teach? Will I get shitty project mates who zuo bo lan? Do I still have what it takes to mug again?

It just occurred to me if there's a freshman girl in class, i'll be a grand 7 years older than her at least. I'll be studying with people younger than my brother! Speaking of my brother, congrats dude on passing ur driving! I know u feel really good about it, and i'm really proud of you too. My bro can be such a worm, but when he achieves something I always feel really happy for him. I dunno how to explain it. When my sis achieves something, i'm like happy, but not surprised, maybe coz she was always the smartest among the three of us, so success is kinda 'expected' so to speak. But my bro's a little different. He doesn't do anything much, so when he actually goes out to do something to improve himself be it taekwondo or driving, and actually achieves something at it, I feel especially happy.

Gosh the train approaches city hall. I feel the chill down my spine again. *bbrrrrr*

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

*Pats off dust on blog*

Wow, I didn't realize it's been almost 8 months since I updated my blog. Some ppl have even told me they can't be bothered to swing by and check it anymore. I'm really sorry for this mia-ing and it's been down to pure laziness (and a very bad internet connection in japan of course).

So i've come full circle in the last year or so, going to japan and coming back then finishing up my internship with credit suisse. I'm really thankful for both experiences. Japan really helped me put a perspective in life which I think I once had in me. I remember during my freshmen year, I used to think that studies was important, but so was experiencing life, so I got myself really involved with BE and stageit in sch. While i'm thankful I did, came the 2nd half of the 2nd year I started regretting because my grades suffered so much. I started to buy into the rhetoric of mugging, and though I felt good when I managed to score, I forgot what I wanted from my uni life. But having gone to japan, experiencing hostel life and all, i'm glad the experience put things back in perspective for me. Grades are still important, but enjoying what u're studying and the thirst for learning is even more so.

My time at credit suisse has been just as fulfilling. I'm pretty sure I still did an 'okay' job despite not being an accountant but working in financial accounting. I never rejected work or 'sai gang', coz I felt that even the smallest job could have it's learning points, and in fact it did. I realized things about myself that I never thought were quite 'me'. I always thought I wouldn't want a routine job, but actually routine is a good thing to start off with to ease urself into the organization and culture. The company gave me real work responsibilities which i'm really thankful for after the 'cultural experience' of the china internship. I have a far more positive attitude to work now. And honestly, I can't wait to embark on a careerto call my own.

With those around me all getting jobs already, I do feel pressured to find a good job quickly. I realized there's quite a few things i'm willing to try for my career, even certain government jobs. I'm ready for my next big challenge to be good at something. Question is, is there someone out there willing to give me a chance? But ah well, all my life i've been fighting for my own chances. I admit i'm not a very technical guy, my knowledge of academics is really weak. But hopefully I can take the next sem or so to brush up on this and find a career, a niche, for myself.

On to less insightful things, my sunday soccer team have been constantly improving and last week we did really really well (ok if u're not a soccer nut u can skip this part)! Honestly we haven't been good enough for quite some time, ever since I came back from exchange, but several beer and wine sessions discussing tactics and playing styles last few months have allowed us to build and improve steadily. Our regular opponents have been playing for years together, and I still think they are more skillful than us. But we're now matching up to them, taking games to extended lengths. For what we lack in skill, we make up in determination and tactical awareness. The goals we now concede are either our own silly mistakes (of which i'm honestly guilty of and must improve) or from lousy throw-ins (which we're making up for by improving our own, and putting an extra man on the line helps. If we're gonna lose out on the jostling for the header, better we increase our chances of clearing off the line). I think we all realized how effective it is to play with a fixed team with a couple of rolling subs. It's better than playing with different people every week, u can't get the passing going or get used to each other's style. Ur only hope is to defend deep and hope to sucker punch, often offering nothing going forward. It can work for one-goal games, but two-goal games which we often play anyway, are just too much to ask.

Playing better has driven me to improve myself. I wanna get fitter physically so that when the games drag I still have the presence of mind to know what to do with the ball when I get it. I wanna improve on my one touch passing and be more confident on the ball. I wanna improve my touch and my left foot. I wanna cut out making silly mistakes. We might be getting it tactically right so far when our opponents sit, but when they are playing full court press we start getting nervous and cannot switch our play quickly. The obvious way to beat full court press is by going long, but we suck at going long, defenders can't put accurate long balls or the front men can't bring the ball down or hold it up. We could do short passing and pass quicker, but are we skillful enough to do that. This is another topic to discuss about in our next drinks session.

My parents are in china again. I've got mixed feelings about this. I'm glad my dad is back at work. Think my dad doesn't realize it himself, but I believe he's happier when he's working than staying at home and observing shares. I prefer it too also because shares is juz not a stable income relative to a real job. My dad has a way of making himself indispensible at work and I think he likes people to listen to him, which is obviously not what his three kids strive on. But in the last few months after coming back from exchange i've gotten used to coming back to eat whenever I have the time. It'll hurt me economically with all the inflation and what-not, but more importantly the house is a little more empty again. I feel it more now because i'm used to coming home after work for dinner, and that happened more often than when I was at school. And I actually wanna come back for dinner more now coz I dun wan my bro to be eating alone all the time. Cest la vie I guess.

That's for an update to get things up to speed I guess. I shall not promise when I will post again seeing how lazy I am, but i'll put it in my msn and facebook nick if I ever update here again.